d-zul@life

2009-12-28T01:38:00.004+08:00

you probably won't stumble upon this
neither do anyone
i can't even have the guts to tell you feelings
day by day, i feel like i'm missing all these chances
the whole of 2009 was dedicated for you
it's never right for close friends to be lovers isn't it?
so this shall be a story for me about
the girl i fallen for; the girl i can't love

i wanna kill myself.

2009-12-27T01:43:00.004+08:00

i may not show my feelings but
inside, i'm crying, full of regrets
you mentioned my mistakes again & again
i take full responsibility for my stupid actions
but mentioning it once is never enough
once we got into a heated argument
you had to mention my mistake again
dammit, that moment i swore to God
i feel i wanna kill myself

2009-09-09T22:43:00.002+08:00

had an awesome day on 8/9/09. had soccer with usual mates first and went to break fast with these bunch of old dues & babes. a nice day indeed. =))

updates, updates. did anyone noticed the new geylang serai? i thought it was cool. it had a new and refreshing look. so much to breath in there. went out with my brother and mom to shop. basically just some raya stuffs and other here and there. went from places to places. basically that's it.

sorry bloggy. currently at the moment, i don't feel like blogging. so much things are in my head. like brains , skulls etc. but seriously, i can't blog properly as my mind is a bit disturbed these few days. not today, bloggy. not today.

2009-09-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair? why i cut my hair?

bummer, im rotting at home.

2009-08-30T23:18:00.005+08:00

hey hey, one week of fasting has pass by. I could see my body dropping like hell. Not as in weight. Drop as in my body. Been a week since i went to the gym. i wish i had a gym in my house. that'll be awesome!! another thing to take note in my future house. A gymnasium! a jamming studio and a theater are already in the list on the things-to-put-in-future-house.

Speaking of jamming, since been a long I went jamming. A proper one. I went to Peninsular Plaza yesterday. saw one of the fender jaguar bass on display. my god...it's like a orgasm...pardon my language. I'm so gonna work my ass off for one of those babies.saw it again at Swee Lee. The price drop from $2300 to $1600. gonna wait for it to drop more during the EYS.

got my job at McCafe. sounds a bit low class but they pay you more than a regular McD crew. Another thing to keep me occupied during this break. Got to know the people down there pretty fast and I need to get an injection in order to start work.

trouble, trouble, trouble. My friends always has it. I rarely had it. Even though I have it, it kinda weird not like those relationship thingy. Somewhat i feel lucky not having troubles or problems. I don't know whether it's a good thing or bad but one thing for sure, it's uneasy to have problems. somehow, i wish i could have problems. haha. just KIDDING

2009-08-20T23:09:00.003+08:00

A Fender Jaguar Bass Guitar

Kawasaki KR

I'm so in love with the Fender jaguar bass. it look so slick and one-of-a-kind. I'm so getting one of these awesome baby for me by end of the year. it cost around $2300++.

I also decided buy a Kawasaki KR. With my car and motor licenses sponsored by my parents, I'm gonna fork out my own money to buy this machine. I just want a cool looking bike. Not too big or too fast. Just for transportation purposes. this one cost around $5000++.

F.Y.I. , my birthday is every 13 October. so yeah. =))

2009-08-20T18:21:00.002+08:00

{listening to Stella by All Time Low =DD }

what up people? let me look at my life. nothing change. I wonder why I even blog in the first place some times. OH! readers, i suggest you go do a twitter account. twitter is sooooooooooo fun (notice the 'o'). a plus point is that twitter works with facebook. I'm trying to think of another plus point. basically, it's cool! follow me at http://twitter.com/DZULmustdie if you have one.

UT3 has started. I did ok-ly for enterprise module yesterday and barely scraping through science module today. it's like i did a french language test when doing science. ok, the last line is lame. tomorrow is cognitive module. i'm still deciding whether to study or not.

oh yeah, with the temperature in this country all time high, i decided for a dress change today. so i decided to wore an dri-fit material shirt, some football shorts and slippers to school. today should be called 'wear-your-sleeping-clothes-to-school day'. If there was a contest for the best dress, i would not win it. gervais would have won it. he came to school with some shirt and his rugby shorts with the ACS logo on it. nicely done.

and I wore a cap just now. some people stare at me and i could hear someone calling me a mat rep. WHAT THE FUCK?!! screw you! i wore it properly and just keep my long hair neat. i'm dumbfound.

2009-08-19T00:24:00.003+08:00

woah. today was kinda like those moments in life. the moment where everything had to start again and moving on. i hate those moments.

the maths faci bought us pizza for lunch for our last lesson as a class. before eating our lunch, we had to say like some sort of grace. I had fun disturbing Brenda even though she was crying. sorry Brenda =). I guess it's been a great 4 months working you guys at W34Q. we are all from our usual cliques and different background but somehow, we just manage to have fun and work together. Sorry for any wrong doings I did and wish all the best in UT3 and future endeavors. =DD

I'm sooo used to W34Q. Now after Sem 1 finish, I need to break the ice again with the future classmates. That one, i hate the most.

In The Not-So-Formal Attire

WE-FUCK-YOU!(W34Q)

the ending is just the beginning.

2009-08-15T22:14:00.003+08:00

what up. well, nothing much. spending the Saturday night at home and hopefully go out tommorrow. did I mention exams? more like tests. Those two words must be like allergies to me. UT3 is coming up and the first one is this coming Wednesday. god please help me. help me by crashing the school system.

I intend to study today however videos in my laptop distract. By videos, I don't meant porn. I finally going to finish up season 3 of How I Met Your Mother. Mom thought I was crazy when i suddenly burst into laughter with my headphones on. It's a sitcom about these five people. pretty much like friends, the show.

the month of Ramadhan is coming up next week. i always call this the 'diet' month. this will help malay girls slim down so they can fit inside their kebaya during hari raya puasa. I think they should make those slimming agencies to ask its client to fast. fasting is most healthy way to diet. well, that's my opinion.

oh yeah, i love glamour kills. awesome.

2009-08-13T22:44:00.002+08:00

aww...i wish she was mine.

back to reality. after much daydreaming (or drooling), I realized I'm not going to get her. Anyways, at least i tried. (does she even read this blog?!) that was Cassade, lead singer of Hey Monday. Pretty eh?

did not go to school today as i was having a terrible headache. (hey, who cares?) It's not like they're goin to put "dzul has a headache" on the front page of a newspaper. Missing school today also means I missed Enterprise's last lesson. aww...... Mom ask me to cut my hair for the 3140th time. It's like asking to me to throw away my dignity. Yes Mom, I know guys should not have long hair. You should see those other guys where you could barely see their faces. I will cut soon Mom. Yes Mom, probably before NS which is like a millennium away.

2009-08-07T23:21:00.002+08:00

Now, I find the science module pointless with her teaching. the science facilitator must have really 'love' us. As her students, we obviously gave the 'love' back. So we decided to go to town and just waste time there. More like torturing the feet. After much window shopping, we finally sat down. Someone add Dingz and it all got freaky and funny too. 3 things; An unknown person knowing Dingz, A fake email and msn.

then, meet up with some dudes and watch a hip-hop performance at far east. ?????!!!!. Dzul and hip-hop does not mix quite well together. It's like watching a horror movie with scary music. chill for a while to hear their gay talks and then cab home.

oh yeah, I forgot to tell the most awesome part of today. ION Orchard's toilets. Guys now has a reason to relieve on the fountain as they have like small tvs on the wall. I will probably spend like 10 mins watching the documentary. yes, documentary.

2009-08-06T23:40:00.002+08:00

i got bored with school, again.

have ever had those moments in life where you're lost and forgotten what's the purpose of your existence to this damn world? I'm currently having this moment. Don't tell me going to school everyday is my purpose. somehow, I'm just wasting my life away with this useless things. I feel should go out there and do something. but what? god knows.

2009-08-04T13:51:00.004+08:00

I've decided that I should blog more frequently and bore people to death. Still having second thoughts publicizing this blog. Check out the album, Nothing Personal. All Time Low has done it again by delivering those rock tunes with meanings. I love them. Fuck you bitches - nothing personal.

2009-07-08T23:39:00.003+08:00

Just wanna say something. this is somewhat like reflection.
everyone leads their own life differently. so here's mine.

Having a positive attitude is good. I feel that everything to do must have that lil bit of positive. For my case, I would say even in the serious of things, there should be a bit of fun to everything. I simply can't take it if I were to be so mature and try to keep my emotions inside and all. Too much emotions inside could make you sick.

Having fun also means that I simply relax. So as much as possible, I don't make enemies. Hell, I don't even try to make enemies.

MJ death's really hit the world. Despite all the bad things he had done, he still is a pop idol that no one will every forget. He's a legend. However this sets me thinking. A lot of people was so devastated that MJ was gone. So does this means that only death would make us recognize how much we value that person? I hate to say it, u wanna be treasured? you have to be dead.

2009-07-05T23:07:00.002+08:00

Been such a long time since I updated this little online journal. Well, life has been alright for me. Republic Polytechnic isn’t the best poly around. Some even said it’s the best ITE. Heck it. As long it provides me another opportunity to gain that next step in life and that piece of paper, it’s worth it. Friends down there are alright. There are problems but not so serious though. The problems are not even related to me! I’m pretty clean. I feel a relationship is a long way for me. Haven’t found the right candidate yet. Not even a target. I think that has to be with my way of seeing things. Every time I see a girl with makeup, minah is the first word that came up my mind. Fuck it. It’s a really hard habit to throw. I miss having someone special. I’m so jealous of those who are having a lovely relationship. The feeling that you and her are in your own world, not caring anyone around. The feeling where you know she’s there for you even though she’s not around. Makes you smile and laugh about the simplest thing. The feeling where she makes you feel lucky having her. The cutest and sweetest girl who loves for just who you are. God isn’t fair to me in this department.

Anyway, other than school, there’s music and cigarettes. Music has been my inspiration for a long time. It’s a way to show my inner side which I rarely shows to people. I improve a lot on the guitar and bass. The sessions at Iman’s house really help me a lot. Rock/Alternative/Rock n Roll is what the band is achieving. It’s been my dream to play in a band. Sharing our music to the world. Having that feeling enjoying yourself in your own song. Music is like everything to me. All Time Low is my greatest inspiration. Their fashion sense and their guitar riffs simply blew me. The singer could sing too. Their new album’s coming out this 7th July. Gotta have it. As for cigarettes, after much smoking, I felt that it’s now a way of my lifestyle. To those who think that I’m smoking to act cool and all that stuff, bullshit. It’s now a need to smoke. Screw you for not understanding my life. As for the house, the renovations are still going on. I’m seeing the differences. It looks pretty cool especially the toilet.

A refer to a post of Ashraf’s blog about people change. Yes, I had seen a lot of changes in life and people around me. Some for the good and the bad. As for me, I personally think I change in certain situations. Yes, I agree that I have mature and grown up for the better. Certain situation makes me focus and some makes me laugh. I think we all had reached to a stage to take the next level. No more pri or sec school. That’s the past. Now for the present. Let’s not all forget that not we ourselves are not the only ones growing up, everyone is growing up as we speak. That’s life.

Bottom line: Life’s alright except for girls, music and cigarettes. I can’t help it in the music and cigarettes part. Music being that others are taking their O’s and cigarettes’s price are fixed by the government. Still looking for that girl. Maybe put up an Ad or something.

2009-04-01T22:32:00.003+08:00

back to blogging again. with a fresher skin. I'm turning more mature...i think. anyway, gonna summarise the things that happen since the last post. 1. I broke up with her. Things not going good for me. Let's just be friends. 2. I became a coach at Adam Khoo. Tired but the results are rewarding. 3. My band, Summer On High, finally got it's 1st song! Listen to it! 4. Bought my new laptop for poly....

well, I' mnot an avid blogger. but this is just to keep my life in track k? I stop working at IKEA. School gonna start soon. with the school camp starting next week. it hasn't include the F.O.C. yet...

2009-01-27T23:40:00.002+08:00

work,work. that's what I've been doing for the whole of chinese new year. tired, bruised, shit work but worth it. a happy cny to all the chinese. too bad, Jessica had to go to malaysia to celebrate it. hopes she miss me as much as i miss her. a boring life i should say. by now, we should have made plans to esplanade.

2009-01-19T23:22:00.002+08:00

hello bloggy. long time no update. Band stuff, we change our singer coz he fousing on skating. we gotten ourselves a girl singer. then changed our band name to Summer On High. Cool yeah? Just when I thought things were goin well, love came in and make it difficult and awkward. Nw things are alright but still awkward for those two. O levels! I got a L1R4 of 26. Terok sial! still, i got into poly. I don't want to go ITE. god knows if i had actually studied. however, nt everyone get the results they want. Some went ITE and my closest buddies wanna retake O levels coz dey don wan ITE. Due to that, the friends I used to hang out with, all of them will be taking their O's this year. i'm the only one among them goin through. somewhat I feel proud yet alone. But this is a good wake up call for them. I respect them for having the guts to retake.

2009-01-02T22:47:00.002+08:00

hey people! Happy New Year! It's 2009! A brand new year with life full of oppurtunities ahead of me. My new year resolutions are to be more fit (had been visiting the gym regularly), get serious in music (band starting to get gigs) and get new job (found 1 at IKEA). It feels really damn akward. Today, school start and I'm was sleeping away in the morning. Haha.

2008-12-24T00:40:00.002+08:00

somehow, i feel that we people should be grateful with we have in life. some people don't get what we have. some live in insecure place. been away to KL for a week plus. I experience many many things. good and bad. I too learnt a few lessons while staying there. I spoke to my cousin about life in KL. It was very different from we have here.

While our neighbourhood schools (not talking bout those independent) are becoming more like hotels, with multi-purpose school hall, theirs are just becoming like our schools in the 1980s. Being in big country, competition is fierce. places in good universities are quickly take up. my cousin told me that education is the only way to live a better life. like us here, barely with no education, somehow still living in his/her own apartment.

thier flats are seriously needed of a make over. cracks were seen everywhere. poor living conditions. roads not maintained. here in singapore, people will complain even though it's a slight bump. but the bump there is way worse than the hump. people tend to run red lights. one of the reasons why accidents happen frequently. on my way to KL, on the highway, i witness around 3 crashes. from the way i see it, help come really late.

there, crime rate is way up till I too witness it myself. The motorcyclist and it's rider in baju kurong (after friday prayers) ride slowly to this auntie and poof, they went off with her handbag. just like that. don't judge a book by its cover they say. i pity that auntie. it's not that Singapore has no crime, it's just that catching criminals in KL makes it hard. plus, bribe are often there.

While us here in Singapore, blessed with workers helping to clean up our 'shit', they have nothing there. the central district of KL even though central, it's still dirty and littered. That's only the central, how bout the housings located elsewhere? yes, it's much worse. still, us here, even our housing estate are like hotels.

my cousin brought us to the red light district in KL (we were bored that night!). the no. of men is more to those of girl. Men, i mean men as in gays. im nt anti-gay. I even made friend with a gay (my cousin's friend). They are really pityful people who are 'lost'. I do get the eriee feeling when I with them but i don't discriminate them. It's just thier way of thinking. However, as much as possible, i will want to tell them that god made them into human beings with the gender men. so don't just act, be one. anyway, stuff like that kind rarely happen here.

so yeah, in the end, i feel really grateful to live in a secure and clean place in singapore.
anyway, KL was fucking great! haha!

2008-12-03T21:14:00.005+08:00

gotten the pics from hassan.

relieve the old memories of OSL 07

2008-12-03T19:58:00.002+08:00

hey what's up people. hahaha. like as if a lot of people read my blog like that! anyway, update on life again. graduation night was not as fun as I expected. I didn't feel...good. Like it's like I was nt having feeling the 'mood'. 1 thing for sure, friends and memories (good or bad) will be remembered throught out my life. I finally gotten a job (thanks to Jeremy). Went to the agency at Golden Mile and by chance we saw these two 'beautiful ladies'. The type of ladies that guys probably will be traumatize by. kk, in other words, ladies with penis. haha. damn freaky man. the job require us to be at the warehouse which is at Ubi. Then, from there, go to various malls to set up the items. It's like $40 per job. regardless whether, 3 or 4 or 5 hours. cool rite? den luckily got this uncle who live in Jurong East. so after work, just ride home. and I thought, can like collect money frm the agency anytime. but then she say, collect end of month....which means I got no money!! and i can't go out or buy stuff!! fuck la....and i thought, we could go to the zoo or night safari on our two months anniversary. i'm really sorry that it turned out like this...

2008-11-15T23:48:00.002+08:00

hey, hey. a few updates here and there. O levels are officially over. sucha huge relief. It feels so...good. the feeling is undescribable. anyway, kick offf the celebrations with a 3d2n torn at amirul's house. we called it skate night. hahas. everyone can laugh about the simplest thing at night. very enjoyable and memorable. now, to find job. ask anyone I could and read any newspaper I could. I think I'll be able to start work on thursday. coz by then, the company can confirm whether I'm accepted or not. so yeah. and this wednesday graduation night at Hilton hotel. somehow, I'm not all hyped up. everyone try to pick a dress and stuff, while I, already pick a simple 1 and try nt to look to gd. hahas. happy holidays everyone! =))

wo ai ni Jess. ni zhe tao mah?

everyone's so tired. taken during 2am in the morning.

2008-10-29T20:17:00.003+08:00

what up bloggie?! a lot of things happened since the last post. Good things and bad things. bad thing 1st. on the 21st oct, Adrian Toh died. He's a very good person and a very good guitarist. You are always care free and smiling all the time. I remembered that he learnt the 'Fall For You' chords in one night. I thought you, me and Ashraf could make a band after our O's. however, it seems that won't happen. you left us early and pop many questions in our heads. You will be remembered dude. Till today, I still can't accept the fact...

anyway, nw with the gd things. I'm in a relationship with her already. everyone was so shocked...and a lot of ppl kaypoh also. today means 3 weeks! O's comin to an end soon. 12 more days. 11 Nov! Faster come la!! so much plans after O's!! currently, I play for a soccer club called Batilaza FC. I play bassist in band named TV Kills. I also join a crew full of skaters, bikers and inline skaters called Stolen Hoodies! So much organization I join! now that's what I called enjoying life. =DD tmr e.maths paper 2 at 8! so morning sia...

2008-10-29T20:14:00.000+08:00

TOKIO HOTEL - MONSOON

I'm staring at a broken door,
There's nothing left here anymore.
My room is cold,
It's making me insane.

I've been waiting here so long,
But now the moment seems to 've come,
I see the dark clouds coming up again.

Running through the monsoon,
Beyond the world,
To the end of time,
Where the rain won't hurt

Fighting the storm,
Into the blue,
And when I lose myself I think of you,
Together we'll be running somewhere new…

Through the monsoon.
Just me and you.

A half moon's fading from my sight,
I see your vision in it's light.
But now it's gone and left me so alone

I know I have to find you now,
Can hear your name, I don't know how.
Why can't we make this darkness feel like home?

Running through the monsoon,
Beyond the world,
To the end of time,
Where the rain won't hurt

Fighting the storm,
Into the blue,
And when I lose myself I think of you,
Together we'll be running somewhere new…
And nothing can hold me back from you.

Through the monsoon. Hey! Hey!

I'm fighting all this power,
Coming in my way
Let it take me straight to you,
I'll be running night and day.

I'll be with you soon…
Just me and you.

We'll be there soon…
So soon.

Running through the monsoon,
Beyond the world,
To the end of time,
Where the rain won't hurt

Fighting the storm,
Into the blue,
And when I lose myself I think of you,
Together we'll be running somewhere new…
And nothing can hold me back from you.

Through the monsoon.
Through the monsoon.
Just me and you.
Through the monsoon.
Just me and you.

2008-10-04T18:10:00.002+08:00

went to Amirul's house to write this song. it's about a girl named Jessica whom i love so much. Hence, the song. I thought I didn't want to go into a relationship but she's the kind of girl I've been looking for. so yeah, with lots of love from me to you Jessica ! <3

today, i saw a girl
her name was Jessica
I try to catch her attention
she look away
I don't know what's wrong with me
does she even like me?

Oh...Jessica. Why you look away?
Oh...Jessica. Do you even think of me?

girl, I love you so much
don't you love me too?
probably kill myself just to go out with you

Oh...Jessica. let's just run away.
Oh...Jessica. just you and me, everyday

Oh...Jessica...Oh...Jessica...

Oh...Jessica. Why you look away?
Oh...Jessica. Do you even think of me?
Oh...Jessica. let's just run away.
Oh...Jessica. just you and me, everyday

just you and me, everyday...

=)))

2008-09-28T23:11:00.004+08:00

time flies man...a month of fasting had pass by like a blink. Hari raya's coming this wed. no mood at all. for me la. 18 days to O's man. who's happy with that? well, update on life. my life has been alrite la...oh yeah, let me make this very clear. I DON'T LIKE ANY GIRLS. yup, relationship is a no-no for me. that girl? she is nw juz friend to me. The feelings just disappear. lately, i've been lazy trying to 'choi' girls. I'm lazy to like chat wif them or sms them or comment them on friendster. some girls like me but so what? i juz heck care. I don't know whether it has to do wif my preference or the timing. it's plain weird for me. i might even end up gay one day! anyway, i just wanna look good and feel confident. but sometimes, it attract attetion too. haha. I also wan to make a shoutout. What's wrong wif ppl nowadays...people are happily breaking up and sometimes patching up. yes i agree, i was like this but nw i realise my mistakes. Come on man...when people told me stories like this, i felt like smacking those people. it's cruel for me. one more thing, I feel that I'm just living life. no more no less. I'm living in it and that's all. music express my feelings...

anyway, first F1 night race in SG! unexpected winner, Alonso! i was rootin for Massa but an error led to their downfall. pity the whole ferrari team.

2008-09-18T23:56:00.005+08:00

hey bloggie. sorry for nt updatin for some time. many things had happen lately. a few of the things I just wanna let out. firstly, i finally gotten the bassist role in luthfi's band named tv kills. with that confirmed, i can set my mind at ease as after o's, i can pursue my dream which being in a great band that is well-known. i began having that ambition ever since fell in love with rock music. second, girls. there's a girl who caught my eyes since startin of this yr. she look really cute and ppl might mistake her for a malay but she actually spoke chinese.im screwed. shouldn't have intro myself to the sec 2 gal . I thought i didn't want to go into a relationship. last, academics progress. sincerely, i think im nt doin too well. I cn actually heck care my prelims and stay back just lepak and play taiti. everyone like so serious except me. im scared that im go ITE. im scared that i might be look down at. im scared that society will whack me with the unsecured future. talked bout it with jeremy and wei qiang. it's so damn true. must give all ur effort or else ITE is ur nxt step.

2008-08-13T17:39:00.003+08:00

SORRY bloggy. I kinda forgotten that I actually had a blog. well, life seems normal since the last post. Nothing much had changed. I'm cool with everybody. I hate no one and hopefully no one hates me. Well, except for one major thing that my feelings grew stronger for her since she broke up. She's like the everthing I'm looking for. I really love her loads. However, I can't make the move yet since she still misses him. I just wait for her and hopefully it will pay off. Not ending up like the last time...

On a serious note, my MT O' levels result came out. I've gotten a C6. Sucks man...I tried my best and I just don't know what happened. Eng Oral coming this Friday. Gotta give it my best shot for the rest of the examinations. Friends seem like no more friends. I'm talking about friends outside school. We regularly hang-out. Cigarettes seem like a routine. Writing all sorts of songs from love to bully. And now, you guys seem like you care more about the songs than me. Nobody message me of anything lately. So yeah, have fun. And 'you' forgot about me since you had your 'new' friends.

2008-08-13T17:30:00.002+08:00

Flyleaf - All Around Me

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you
I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I amYou said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

2008-07-09T20:06:00.005+08:00

i'm here again. back to bloggin. life been a bit sucky lately. my social life is really dying. I only hang out with one clique. I forgotten how long its been since i talk to a girl other than my class mates. it's been really stressful too. I don't quite enjoy go home nowadays. what is waiting is the shoutings of your mom asking you to study. last week had been really fun. Our performance on Weds was really screwed up. how could I forget the lyrics?! worst singing i had ever done. then on Fri, really went wild during the celebrations. was really memorable. then went to watch Wanted. Angelina Jolie is hot. and she's a mother. then went for the Tripod Closing Party. I knew nobody. hahaha. so yeah, now, life sucks.

been writing a song. it's about a person whom the partner forget about thier relationship. thus resulting in decisions. and it's go like this.

Everyday, waiting for your phone call
Ever wonder do you miss me at all
I’ve been waiting, I’ve been waiting since yesterday
Have you ever thought we could even make it
My mind is fixed and I think I should say it
You ran way, you ran away from my arms

So let me go
These promises seem worthless
So here I go
Leaving you all alone…

im clueless bout the chorus.

2008-06-03T11:09:00.002+08:00

Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You

The best thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words
'Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

2008-05-30T23:29:00.002+08:00

Dear mom & dad, sorry for being sucha disobedient child. I having been causing lots of trouble for you guys. I know that you're doing all these shit things to me because it's for my own good. my own future. As much as possible, I will complie with the rules you gave me. I'm really sorry how I treated you guys that day. I should not have shouted and fought back your words. Hence, I apologize for my wrong doings.

with love and regrets, dzul.

2008-05-27T17:08:00.004+08:00

well, hello there. 1st up, sorry for not blogging. been really fucking busy. actually not busy but was away to Malaysia. My aunt gave birth to a healthy daughter. congratz! her name is Nur Qistina Zahra. how hot is that...anyway, was really great as my cousin finally has a driving license so can go out to anywhere. so we went out to eat, sheesa and just chill till late night. oh boy it was memorable. so yeah, while people are busting their ass at home revising for the MT paper on monday, i was out enjoyin life.

then came Monday. I was down with fever, a blocked nose and feeling damn heaty. Kept coughing throughout the whole paper. It was easier than expected! been doing so much hard papers that the O' level is just like that. then after the paper, went jamming with the whole band (finally). work on 155. still got loads to work on but we're getting there.

well, this may be the last time I'm blogging cause my parents know bout the results. so they gonna cut off the computer. how freaking saddening is that...with a L1R5 of 47, where can I go? I will definetely buck up.

had an arguement with my parents. I finally let it all out. they kept arrowing at me for my bad results. I am who I am. The bad and good things I did made me who I am today. I know about how the future will changed with my decision. So I know what I'm doing but you're not letting me doing it...

2008-05-23T23:17:00.002+08:00

finally end the torturous 4 days of malay intensive program. onwards to O' level on monday. tomorrow finally going jamming with my band for the first time. hopefully can get ready before the auditions on wednesday. and shit, out of all the times to be sick, it has to be now.

"I know we can't be more than friends. I had accepted that fact. but you kept wondering inside my head! please get outta of there. please, you're killing me..."

2008-05-20T18:22:00.001+08:00

tried to take a picture of love
didnt think i'd miss her that much
i want to fill this new frame
but its empty...

2008-05-19T11:46:00.002+08:00

story 1
girl: do you miss me??
boy: duh! of course not...
girl: *sad look*
boy: how can i miss you when you have always been in my heart?
girl: *heart melted*

story 2
girl: *pointing to a movie poster* i want to watch that movie!!
boy: no, you cant!
girl: huh? why not?? *feeling disappointed*
boy: cuz we are going to watch that movie.
girl: *blushing look*
boy: from now on, theres no i ok? only we...
girl: ok! *hug the boy's arm tightly, smilling brightly*

story 3
before entering a crowded mall...
boy: lemme your hand
girl: why?
boy: *grasp girl's hand* cuz i dont wanna lose you in the crowd.
girl: *sheepish smile*

story 4
boy: baby, do you have a band-aid?
girl: yeah. what do you need it for?
boy: cuz i hurt myself when i fall for you...
girl: *kiddish smile*

story 5
girl: they say angels live in heaven.
boy: really? i must be in heaven then.
girl: huh? how come?
boy: cuz girl, you are my angel.
girl: eeyyeer... *blushing*

story 6
after an argument...
girl: im sorry for wad had happened.
boy: dont apologise anymore...
girl: but im really sorry...
boy: its okay.
girl: sorry dear...
boy: ok, no more sorry for you.
the next time you say sorry again,
you owe me a kiss.
girl: *slowly smiling* eeyyeer! naughty boy...
boy: so previously i counted you said 3 sorry.
so you owed me 3 kisses!
girl: eee!! not fair *kiddish smile*

this why people keep falling in love.

2008-05-17T23:02:00.001+08:00

well, sorry for recent post. it was a sudden burst of uncontrollable feelings. I just felt like letting it all out...well, I'm much better now. got those feelings under control now. so yea, we're close friends. =)

went out with furqan, suffian, luthfi, rafiq and solihin to town today. simply awesome.

2008-05-15T17:54:00.004+08:00

i'm currently writing here to express my deepest feeelings. we started out as friends. joking and laughing together. who would knew I will fall in love with you? so when I know that she still like me, I began to laugh it off because i thought it was impossible to fall in love with her. soon, the impossible happen. she lent me her psp. even though it's just a psp, I felt it was like she lending herself too me. I took care of it with all my heart. so from then on, the feelings started to bloom inside me. before I realize it, i was in love with her. She really took me away with her smile and her beautiful face. how could be so blind that there was actually a beautiful girl like her so close to me. i'm sucha ass. I don't care about the whole world when I'm with her. my love with her was very strong as if i felt she was the right one. she's not a 'minah'. just a sweet girl next door. i swore to her that I'll stop smoking as a dedication for my love for her. finally, I found a reason to live my life happily...

i told her i like her even though i have way more things to express my love for her. ask her to go steady with me. she said,"give me time." i gave her time. mayb too lil time. i spent a whole week trying to get close with her. making her a birthday card for her bday was on the 15 of may. she never seem serious with me and always left me behind. that's where I thought, "please don't let it be that she doesn't like me." sorry, it wasn't even a thought. it was a cried. a plea. then came 15 of may which is today. walk with her to send her to the mrt. gave her the present and i thought she may like me. leaving her happily and me happily. text her later to give me a yes or no.

then, when i reached home. decided to chill and go online. she was online. she told me the most heartbreaking truth I ever come across in my life. "about the yes or no, i like you as a friend. but i cannot like get it work out. i think we should be just close friends..." my heart just sank....so deep that all i could say is "oh ok. understanded. =)". it was a smile of deep sadness. after that, immedietly took my mp3 and lie on the bed. covering my face with a pillow. listening the saddest song and crying. yes, I was crying. i never cried for somethin so real before. it was the 1st time i cried with all my heart out...tear drops just kept rolling. i couldn't control it. it really hurts me more than you know it because I never fell in love so deep with a girl. the high hopes and plans I have after we go steady, just collapse.

WHAT HAVE I DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO YOU? I KNOW I PIERCE BUT I CAN GET REMOVE IF YOU WANT. I KNOW I SMOKE BEFORE BUT I HAVE NOT GOTTEN A PUFF SINCE THE DAY MY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU CHANGED. IF YOU HAVE GONE STEADY WITH ME, I'LL BECOME THE MOST HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD AND I PROMISE TO TREAT YOU WITH EVERY CARE AND CONCERN. I PROMISE TO BECOME THE BEST BOYFRIEND YOU EVER HAD. I PROMISE TO BE BETTER THAN THOSE EX YOU HAD. I PROMISE THAT YOU WILL BE THE CORE OF MY LIFE. WIHOUT YOU, I WILL SIMPLY DIE. DID YOU KNOW THAT I FELT LIKE DYING WHEN YOU TOLD ME THE TRUTH? TELL ME WHAT DO I HAVE TO CHANGE. I'LL PROMISE I'LL CHANGE FOR YOU. WHETHER MY BEHAVIOUR OR ATTITUDE OR ANYTHING.

let just summarize this: I really love you XoXo...i really do.

2007-12-09T21:20:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since I last blog. so many things happen. The OSL Cambodia was a blast. words couldn't described it. Those memories shall be engraved in my heart forever. So many memorable things. learn new stuff too and also made new friends. the kids at the orphanage were really great. it really had a huge impact in my life. no regrets at all. photos from the trip are all over the place. gotta get it from them. Also, straight away after returning to Singapore, I went to buy a new pair of Havaianas. haha, the old one was torn apart during the trip. Then, went for e3 06 chalet on monday. the rain really spoil everything. went to ubin and it was really an enjoyable trip. a memorable thing happen at the last night which shall be an experience for me. all these are just brief thoughts because I find it hard to translate those deep thoughts inside my head into words. I'm just not good with words. I think.

2007-11-11T01:06:00.001+08:00

1st of all, sorry bloggie for not updating you for so long.been really busy with the work from the ESSP and the foundation programme.it's been 8 days of reckoning. i never had anything as 'low' as this before and to top it all, i was caught for having **** inside my bag. the word to describe it is beyond explanation. i never felt so fcuk'd up in my life before. now that ordeal has ended. I'll probably get my 'time' when school reopens next year. i deserve my break. won't be too long before I'll be leaving to Cambodia. On the 17th of Nov, 6am at the airport. Well, I certainly using my break to good use that's for sure. Went out with Brenda and Wan Ting on Thurs to have a jolly good time. The pictures are below if you wanna see it. On Fri, went back just to get the report book instead the teachers took advantage of us by helping them carry their stuffs over to the temp structure. not just stuff, heavy stuffs and lots of them too. After that, went for Fri prayers and play soccer till evening. then today had religious class until 5 and went to play soccer again till late evening. Well, at least I'm putting my holidays to good use. Tomorrow will be following my Bro to play soccer with his friends.Let's see how good is his friends and how they will be shocked by me. MUAHAHA! i needed that evil laugh. =)))

2007-11-11T00:41:00.000+08:00

2007-11-11T00:36:00.000+08:00

Madina Lake - Here I Stand

my hands shake cause today,
i know you're gonna break my heart and,
my life without you in it
is a life thats not worth living.
i'll be strong but i wish i was someone else,
anyone but me tonight

here i stand, all alone,tonight
and i wish i was strong enough to breathe
without you, in my life,
i wish i was anyone but me.

so I'll start to pretend I'm ok
but you should know by now that
my life is smoke and mirrors,
the one thing is crystal clear
that i'm the one wishing i was someone else,
Anyone but me tonight

here i stand (here i stand)
all alone, (here i stand)
tonight (here i stand)
and i wish i was strong enough to breathe (here i stand)
without you, (here i stand)
in my life, (here i stand)
i wish i was anyone but me.

(Where do we go?) (Where do we go?)

inside i start to fall apart. (Where do we go?)
and i'll pretend I'm holding on (Where do we go?)
so i guess i'll bleed in silence.(In silence)
i guess i'll bleed in silence.

here i stand (here i stand)
all alone, (here i stand)
tonight (here i stand)
and i wish i was strong enough to breathe (here i stand)
without you, (here i stand)
in my life, (here i stand)
i wish i was anyone but me.

here i stand (here i stand)
all alone, (here i stand)
tonight (here i stand)
and i wish i was strong enough to breathe (here i stand)
without you, (here i stand)
in my life, (here i stand)
i wish i was anyone but me.

2007-10-29T20:23:00.000+08:00

Today's post gonna be about a great band in the making. They simply rock and their tunes can't get out of my head. So awesome that i downloaded their album and 'advertise' them on my blog. The song that is playing is their 3rd single already. The song has nothing to do with an incident, it's just plain nice.

from left:Mateo Camargo(guitarist), Matthew Leone(bassist)
Nathan Leone(vocals), Dan Torelli (drums)

Madina Lake is a four member post hardcore/pop punk group with Heavy Metal influences from Chicago, Illinois. Their debut album From Them, Through Us, To You is out now on Roadrunner Records

2007-10-29T20:21:00.000+08:00

Madina Lake - One Last Kiss

She looked at me, her eyes were watering
That's when I knew that this was about to end
Frozen in that moment, time was standing still
And I could feel my heart sinking, fragile

Goodbye, she said
I went and found somebody new

But I gave you every waking moment
I gave you everything you wanted
And now, my love, you're giving me up?

You walked away and I could hardly breathe
I turned around and fell down to my knees
I'm shivering as the truth is settling
Her tomorrow has nothing to do with you
I knew someday that you'd find someone else's lips
But before you go
Could you just leave me one last kiss?

Cause I gave you every waking moment
I gave you everything you wanted
And now, my love, you're giving me up?

And I can't lie still
When there's someone else beside you
And I can't lie still
Cause I'm all alone this time
Cause I'm all alone this time
I'm all alone this time

I remember when you were falling
And I was there just holding onto you
And I'll remember all those
Scars I wear that you carved in me

I gave you every waking moment
I gave you everything you wanted
And now, my love is giving me up.

And I can't lie still
When there's someone else beside you
And I can't lie still
Cause I'm all alone this time
Cause I'm all alone this time
I'm all alone this time

2007-10-28T20:53:00.000+08:00

it's officially over. i sense it for a long time.
got nothing much to comment though
except it's been great being with you.
don't let this incident affect us in the future.
for we are friends as always.
do take care and good luck in life.

somehow i felt neutral over this incident.
there isn't any sadness, anger nor happiness.
the past is the past.i'll just look foward to the future.
whatever it is, i'll just smile brightly
regardless of what situation i'm in. =)))))
so i will say that i'm fine and alright.
my sprained ankle is gettin better now.
i should be able to play soccer top flight by weds.
foundation programme and ESSP starts tmr.
and i'm not in the mood to study. gotta work it out.
nightmare will officially start tomorrow

2007-10-27T18:52:00.000+08:00

5 minutes of running around the pitch
in return, you get one swollen and sprained ankle
utter disappointment I would say
regardless of that, Dualnho FC won 7-1
eat your own fcuking words assholes

emotionally, mentally and physically in pain

2007-10-25T20:52:00.000+08:00

I'll live this world like I wanted whether it concerns you or not.
I just don't care about this fcuking world I'm living in anymore...

2007-10-23T20:54:00.000+08:00

it's really been a rollercoaster ride. Let's just keep it short. I may get retained or go to 4E but will be under 2 weeks probation which is damn fcuk'd up. Of course I chosen the 2nd option but it's tough as you need to stay back everyday after the foundation programme to do extra assignments. I'M SO FCUK'D UP. not only got this bullsh*t but there's also OSL meetings on like everyday after school closes. haiz...there goes my November, sadly.

sometimes, I felt something like this

2007-10-21T22:23:00.000+08:00

you could ignore this part if you want to. I type it down as it's another piece of unforgettable memories in my life.
OSL CAMP 19/10 - 21/10 [very,very long post]
day 1
yeah it was fun, memorable and had some unforgettable incident.my group's name is called SOLID BALLZ consisting of me, Brendan, Quenton, Harris, Praval, Faith, Ji Yun, Jia Qi, Nabilah, Tristan and Zi Kang.It's pretty explosive word if you think about it. a small amount of food will be given to each group of 8 hungry people. 2 cans of baked beans, 2 cans of sardines, 2 cans of hotdogs, 6 potatoes and 7 eggs were the food for the entire camp. how you plan your meal it's up to you so it's pretty cool except you will not be full. lunch, we managed to cook the nicest rice without a rice cooker, by accident! then, after lunch, we had to pack the stuffs we bringing to Cambodia and had plan out our lessons plans that we'll be giving to the kids in Cambodia. My group will be doing interaction so I kinda like it. dinner, we had to prepare our dinner with charcoal. luckily, NCC taught me how to do it. then we have to wash up everything including ourselves. during showering, Amos ask "Anyone needs shampoo?" then Hassan reply no. Amos replied back, "eh Hassan, i wasn't talking to you lars". i couldn't stop laughing as Hassan is botak so do he still need to shampoo? hahas. around 11, we all gather at the amphitheater to do reflection as a whole team. it was the most suckiest part of the camp as the teachers kept on blabbering about the 3 barriers; emotional, mental, physical and taught us the REAL definition of 'Reflection'. so if you thought you know what's reflection is, you just don't know nuts about it.
day 2
the session went on until 2.30. i was so tired that i dozed off and wake up almost more than a dozen times. then, we were dismissed and i knocked out around 3.30. woke up at 5.30 and had some PT. after that, , we had breakfast. breakfast was damn simple as each group had to share a loaf of bread and i only ate 2 slices of bread with jam. then, we had our VWO visit to Toa Payoh to help out elderly people at their 1 room flats. I gotten a visually handicapped man who only speaks Hokkien. So throughout the whole time, Amos, who's the only one who could speak that language, kept talking to him. then around 1, arrived back at school and had catered lunch. ah...real food finally. then, we had to practice our performance. that was fun times. all the way until 6 where our group supposed to set up the pits for our cooking without electricity which means no light. it was a disaster as people instead of helping, they destroy the fire. i nearly wanted to shout at them to stop doing it. if all fails, we cheat lors. we get some solid fuels and quickly cook the food. dinner was the best meal as everyone ate until they're full. at 9, while people was watching the movie, Pay It Foward, me, Ashraf and Jeremy clean up the pits. quite nice as we use firehose to clean up and bath! then went for the movie at 10 and just couldn't know how many times I dozed off. Mr Ho stopped the movie half-way as a lot of people are sleeping. then, we had our reflection session. even though, we had our reflection done properly, still with the teacher's blabbering, it stretch all the way until 3.
day 3
this time, as soon as i rest on my sleeping bag, i immediately knocked out. woke up at 7.10 and wash up for a while. then, breakfast the usual. after breakfast, we have to practice out our performance again. at around1030, the Cambodian guy came and we had a lesson on Cambodia language. at 12, we had reflection and plans for the Cambodia trip all the way until 1.30. area cleaning until 2 then break camp
on a Sunday. went riot at KFC with the whole gang. as i soon as i drink pepsi, my sore throat immediately cured. joked around until 4. then went home.

well, congrats if you read the whole thing. what I learnt from this camp is that community service can be involved regardless of different languages and manage my emotional, mental and physical barriers. got school tomorrow and yet, posting this in the middle of the night. the new song I put up really reflect how I feel right now.

love you.miss you.need you.

2007-10-21T22:01:00.000+08:00

Angels & Airwaves - Everything's Magic

And do you ever feel like you're alone?
And do you ever wish you'd be unknown?
I could say that I have..
I could say that I have..
And do you ever feel things here aren't right?
And do you ever feel the time slip by?
I can say that I have..
And I can say that I have..

So hear this please
And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly
And look for the stars as the sun goes down
Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound
Everything, everything's magic
Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight
Prepare for the best and the fastest ride
And reach out your hand, and I'll make you mine
Everything, everything's magic

And do you ever lay awake at night?
And do you ever tell yourself don't try?
Don't try to let yourself down
Don't try to let yourself down
And do you ever see yourself in love?
And do you ever take a chance, my love?
Because you know that I will..
Because you know that I will..

So hear this please
And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly
And look for the stars as the sun goes down
Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound
Everything, everything's magic
Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight
Prepare for the best and the fastest ride
And reach out your hand, and I'll make you mine
Everything, everything's magic
Everything, everything's magic

So hear this please
And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly
And look for the stars as the sun goes down
Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound
Everything, everything's magic
Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight
Prepare for the best and the fastest ride
And reach out your hand, and I'll make you mine
Everything, everything's magic

2007-10-17T22:04:00.001+08:00

back to blogging.been MIA for a while.
I was overseas staying with other relatives.
because of the kampung-ness, it was really fun.
then, I would like to thank all the people who wish me a happy birthday
whether in the form of comment, words, present or sms. I greatly appreaciate it.
you people simply rock, period! love ya nenek! thanks for the 'hongbao'!
results came out yesterday. many went into emo mode.
for those who cried, please don't get too upset
the other marks may pull you up
and also, you'll look ugly if you cry. =))
i really edge out of the exams. marks doesn't convince me enough.
not really sure whether 4E is my place next year.
then, my favourite hobby called soccer.
i'm seriously disappointed with myself. =((
my performance is really dropping, sharply.
gotta catch some sleep. i got dark rings! shit lars...

selamat hari raya aidilfitri to all muslims and non-muslims worldwide.
maaf zahir dan batin.

2007-10-09T23:01:00.000+08:00

not supposed to post but who cares?
will be a short one though
3 more papers/2 more days to go
4 more days till finish puasa
No mood to raya lars
15 years going through the same thing
Just wanna finish puasa, that's all

plans after the examinations
CHILL, EXPLORE and RECREATE.
to where? i still don't know.
I got a few places in mind
going to Cambodia on the 17th Nov
can't wait to help those people
oh yea, really can't wait to beat those
JSS Sec 3 NA and NT people in soccer

right now, I'm feeling somewhat awkward
scared of Geog and F&N paper tomorrow
can't wait for those 3 papers to end
I already got a celebration in mind
right after the last paper ends. =))

your words really comfort me.

2007-10-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

6 more papers to go! wohooo~ I'm already feeling the after-exam feeling [wtf?]. Couldn't wait after finish fasting and exams so could go play field soccer. To the teams that will be playing us, watch out!

I got dark rings around my eyes. I'm seriously lacking of sleep these few days. Hoping that could sleep till afternoon on a Sat but no thanks to an idiot who switched off the air-con, I was sweating in my sleep! Woke up 8.30 and i wish i could kick myself in the head for waking up so early.

today, went for religious class in the afternoon and also went to the barber to just thin my hair. i wanna to keep my hair long until school starts next year. then soccer at late afternoon. the match was bloody intense. people say it's just a game but to me it's like a fight to the death. I guess i really love soccer! also, i would like to intro Yasser who maybe joining the team. my teammates were damn impressed with him and so was I. I like to thank Yasser for joining the team. I swear I could have just faint when playing just now. after scoring winning goal, i collapsed to the ground in exhaustion. damn i was happy and tired.

then at night, finally chat with her after a long time. i seriously miss her loads. then went for night studying with friends.

sucha long post for today. obviously on a Sat where there's no school tomorrow. oh yea, will be helping out at Furqan's house tomorrow to clean the house. since when we became cleaners?

2007-10-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

Time, where are you? I need you.
F&N Coursework due tomorrow, Chemistry and POA exam tomorrow
you too money, where you both go?
damn, I'm really fcuk'd up now.

2007-10-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

and she's sixteen!!

TAKE NOTE:
When teacher is not around, chill at that empty class next door.
Never fall asleep in Mr Zulkefly's class.
Always remember to bring extra tissue packet to school.
Do not be involved in rowdy activities.

Roughly 1 and a half more weeks until the end of exams.
I'm looking forward to the after-life of exams.

to XxXx:I don't whether if it was referring to me but all I know is you just exaggerating you fucker.

dammit. where'd you go? I really miss you...

2007-10-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

2007-09-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

What an awesome day. Woke up at 12. Go town at 1.30 with bro.
We had a lil bit of bro to bro time. He knows about my relationship! hahahas. He kept pestering me about telling me more about her. He was damn impressed with my choice. Which is why I love her so much. hehehe.
Anyway, went to town and bought 3 essential items needed for survival. a skinnie jean, a checkered belt and a pair of leather Converse Shoes. Damn I was happy. People working their asses off at home to study while I'm here in town shopping. =))
I was on budget though.All that 3 items bought for $148.80?! Too little leh. hahas.
Then went to bugis street to see-see. Went home and damn I was tired. still got tuition on night. damn sleepy lars.Good luck to her who will be starting her EOY papers tmr.

HAPPY 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY TO US!
Even though right now, we seem far apart and never text or chat, I still hope you love me the same way that I do.

2007-09-28T23:22:00.000+08:00

a Friday that seems like a Saturday.
Got through EL P1 and SS paper.
The invigilator woke me up 15 mins before end.
why? I haven't completed my section 2. =) sleepy lars.
than came NIGHTMARE 2 (1 is MT) Social Studies.
Barely made it through. Essay easier than the Source-based.

met up with bro after Friday prayers.
chill at home for a while before going to pump bicycles.
Thanks Min for lending a hand for the other bicycle! =)
and FCUK! My Haro Bike gear is dented! argh!!
now can't go for biking sessions.=((
oh yea, police came by when we were playing soccer.
as usual we practice our emergency drills
which is to run away as fast as we could.
at night went night riding with Haikal, Saiful and Amirul.
Damn relaxing at first then an 'incident' ruined everything.
Quite nice actually go night riding.

I'll be waiting for you until you are free.
Until then, your problems can be mine to solve.
Just let you know, i'll be there for you
and always be cheerful. <3

2007-09-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

Sum 41 - With Me

I don't want this moment
To ever end
Where every thing's nothing, without you
I wait here forever just to,
To see you smile
Cause it's true
I am nothing without you

Through it all
I've made my mistakes
I'll stumble and fall
But I mean these words

[Chorus]
I want you to know
With everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
And I'll hold on to this moment you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken
Forever and vow
Pieces of memories
Fall to the ground
I know what I did and how so
I won't let this go
Cause it's true
I am nothing without you

On the streets, where I walked alone
With nowhere to go
I've come to an end

[Chorus]

In front of you're eyes
It falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of you're eyes
It falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find
(What you will find [x4])

I don't want this moment
To ever end
Where every thing's nothing, without you
[Chorus x2]

2007-09-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

Note to self: thou shall not do more pull ups than necessary as arms will ache the next day. Every time I lift up my arms, there will be this strain. Fucking painful sia...Social Studies EOY this coming Friday. I not bloody ready yet. If only time is on my side. Oh yeah, me and my friends went 'trekking' last night! We went through the dark canals and so on. Quite scary yet awesome.

Right now, I really feel that my life somehow been changed in a way that people want to piss me off. Even now, the closest one I knew doesn't seem close to me anymore. Even my father is now blaming me for some things. I'll just pretend that all this have nothing to do with me, for now.

2007-09-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

This blog have been moved to disastrous-me@blogspot.com due to the increasing number of people knowing about my blog. I want to go low-profile my friend, low-profile. Don't tell anyone ok those who already know about my new address?!

Let's see, school's such a bore. I could sleep for 2 full periods of physics. Blame it on my sleepiness. Oh yeah, there's some 'artwork' on the walls in our class. Not cool. Just plain stupid. Then, during assembly, damn rude, yes we are. Then when Ms Chua said ,"I want all those with long hairs to be cut", me and Daryl quickly hide behind our bags. Damn comical sia...After school, went to celebrate Nabilah's birthday. Happy 15th Bday Cyclops!! (she got sore eyes or infection or something at that time) Wanted to do all sorts of thing but damn troublesome and Daryl not sporting enough. Went home earlier than the others.

It's always a temptation for me to play soccer. Oh yea, thanks to that, I've got injured. My toe and knee hurts. Still can play soccer with that. About music now, if there's one pop artist I would listen to, it would be Timbaland. The beats he made are fcukin awesome! I wish that I could collaborate with him one day!

2007-09-22T22:43:00.000+08:00

I hope people who knows about my blog don't spread about it to other people. I want to keep my blog/life on low profile. I'm counting on you! Finish my malay papers and to be sincere, the homework given by cikgu is way much harder than that. yeah, the paper was manageable. that aside, I simply can't keep up my promise. She has always been an addiction to me but soccer, it's hard to kick the habit but easy to kick the ball.

I've got religious class today but for the 3 hours of class, I slept through 1 hour of it. Sleepy lars. When woke up, my friend said, "Eh Dzul, what time you slept last night? You slept 1 hour sia!!" It's been routine lately. Sleeping at 12 and waking up at 5 for sahur. I got dark rings too. But all for a reason which is the stupid f&n coursework and geog assignment.Not only I'm depriving of sleep, there's money and her.*yawn*

2007-09-20T23:20:00.000+08:00

Exams start tomorrow. I'm prepared and ready for it. I think so.I will guarantee pass. Well, I hope so. I don't feel the feeling of confidence. Maybe I'm stress? Whatever the case maybe, I promise that I'll cut down on soccer and her. Hope she and I benefit from this. Let's just finish this damn exams and go home.

One day,
I'm gonna find a spot with some nice grass
on a nice and clear day,
somewhere away from that life
and lay there all day...

2007-09-18T21:44:00.000+08:00

school's been tough. tougher than a boot camp. My brain is functioning more than usual so it may get some extraodinary results! And for some reason, I really love Maths and POA. Anything to do with lessons should be hated but I guess it's the teacher's fault for making that. (Teachers You Sucks!! Hahaha! For some of you.) anyway, yesterday's recess was a wet one. It was Hong Kwong's birthday and we pour pails of water over him. (4 full pails of water to be exact.) =)) Happy (Wet) Bday Dude!! In the end, Wan Hao and Daryl ended up washing up the toliets. Damn I was lucky. I hope this craziness ends but I simply can't live without it! Life is too bored for me. Exams are getting nearer and I've started my revision. Yes, I, Dzul Iman, has started my revision way back. Can't wait till exams over.

damn girl, i miss you so much.
even that one moment at the bustop can make me so happy.
you bring smiles to me girl.
loves u ships-loads!

2007-09-16T23:22:00.001+08:00

"How I wish the world would just come and go without me. I hate reality."

2007-09-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

Stupid EOY exams. I fcuking hate it. Nowadays, parents will nag at you saying the same old damn thing, "Dzul! You exams are coming! What does soccer do you good in life! Go revise now!". Soccer do wonders in your life! That's my answer to them raging inside my head. Anyway, practically stayed the whole day at home trying to finish up English portfolios and a little bit of revising. Then at night came the most boring 2.5 hours of the week. Home tutors are definitely good. Good for you to yawn and sleep, that's what I think! MT Papers on this coming Friday and my Malay is damn kayu. Can the dude up there help me please??

2007-09-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

ahhh...paranoid-dude@blogspot.com have been revived! I have taken this step as it will be my little diary, hopefully for a long time before I quit blogging again. A lot of things have changed in my life since my last post which I don't even know what it is. Let's just say that life has been pretty well and I would like thank God for achieving this. Obviously with some hard work from me. Hehehe! My studies is definitely improving and I hope it continues that way. Even though my behaviour is a bit unacceptable in class! Also, I have an awesome girlfriend. She is Nurul Humairaak and I love her to bits. Not to mention, I have some good friends in school . Arun, Jeremy and Ashraf are some of them. Lastly,I have very close friends/teammates/'brothers'. Haikal, Muhaimin, Zulkirman, Saiful, Suffian and Furqan. Thank you so much to them because without them, I would probably become a gangster and will be walking the wrong path. Hail Dualnho FC!!

CURRENTLY HAPPENING -

Now it's the month of Ramadhan where Muslims worldwide will be fasting. Those who doesn't fast probably are devils! Hahaha! Anyway, I need now some money to buy clothing's and my father only gave me $100. ???!!! What are you gonna do with 100 bucks? Haiz...Right now, what I want to do is to become a recognised person who plays good soccer and concetrate on my studies to promote to Sec 4 Express smoothly. Lastly, I want to say that I miss/love her many-many. This is a starting of a new chapter! =))

2007-09-14T16:25:00.000+08:00

Yellowcard - Five Becomes Four

Needed some time
So I could find
A little strength to redefine
What I've become
What I have done
I never asked to be the one

I'm riding it out
This storm that you brought in
Bringing it down
One me around
For you, I'd go again

It's gotta be
Easy to see
What everyone takes out of me
Knocking me down
Dragging me out
How did you end up in that ground?

Did you run away?
Did you fall apart?
Did you see yourself
For what you are?
Will you be looking for it anymore
When five becomes four?
When you're all alone
With the melody
Do you close your eyes
And think of me?
Will you'll still hear me singing anymore
When five becomes four?

Try and put aside
Your history and pride
Maybe for one
Moment in time
We'll all be on your side

The story goes
Nobody knows
What it was like when you were through
Someone who cared
Out in the air
Didn't let them crash down anywhere

Did you run away?
Did you fall apart?
Did you see yourself
For what you are?
Will you be looking for it anymore
When five becomes four?
When you're all alone
With the melody
Do you close your eyes
And think of me?
Will you'll still hear me singing anymore
When five becomes four?

Remember the lie
Never said I
You were the reason I survived
Where did you go?
I need to know
I waited here, you never showed
It's gonna be
Harder for me
I can't forgive so many things
When you were down
I was around
Why would you try and hurt me now?
Just tell me why
Just tell me why

(Did you run away?)
(Did you run away?)
(Did you run away?)

Did you run away?
Did you fall apart?
Did you see yourself
For what you are?
Will you be looking for it anymore
When five becomes four?
When you're all alone
With the melody
Do you close your eyes
And think of me?
Will you'll still hear me singing anymore
When five becomes four?
When five becomes four
When five becomes four